Monday, 18 April 2016

Fanfic Reviews #1: Starfall by GolfAlphaMike (Star vs. the Forces of Evil)




   Okay, so recently I got into the new Disney show Star vs. the Forces of Evil, which has been a surprise hit show that looks set to replace Gravity Falls in the nearer future. Obviously interested in the fandom, I looked up Fanfiction.net to see if there were any good fics of this show. I even asked on the Reddit page if there were any good fics. [Why so many Star x Marco (Starco) fics tho?]

   One fanfic seemed to come up very frequently on a lot of people's best list was Starfall, written by GolfAlphaMike. I've reviewed the fic in the past, but I never got to express everything I felt about it and only said a few details on fanfiction.net and Reddit. I honestly feel this story needs a FULL review, which I am doing today.

   The question is, does Starfall live up to the hype? Let's find out.

THE PLOT




   The plot is definitely unique, I'd give it that. If there's one thing that Mike, the author, got right, is that he understood several ways to hook the reading audience, which is key for any piece of fanfiction.

   Now before I crack down the actual plot of this fanfiction, I must warn all of you reading this review right now that should be obvious:

Now let's move on.

   The fanfiction opens up rather ambiguously. It discusses a talk between what we assume is Marco's parents with a doctor. This is kind of where you see the first problem with this fanfic. Often, there are times where, during a fluid conversation between two characters, There's NOTHING but dialogue. 



   I thought at first this only happened in the intro scene. Fine, it keeps the reader hooked, and can lead the user to wanting more. Nope, the all exposition/no setting thing happens in a scene where an adult Marco is in the hospital and being taken to an insane asylum (don't ask), and also in a few flashbacks.

   Frankly these were done better than the introductory chapter, as from the talk we can tell where and who they are, but it's mostly assumptions, again with nothing describing where the scene is taking place (assuming it's a hospital). We have NO idea who they are (assuming they're cops). This is the kind of thing that was killing the story for me. It is mostly a lack of visualization. I'm not being told who the people are, where they are, or what the people talking look like. Therefore (as said above), I can't even picture what is happening in said scenes.

   The story DOES nail this concept down when Star and Marco actually have their own starring scenes.

   The story starts out as Princess Star Butterfly's mother is dying of an illness (um, Disney mother death syndrome, or something?). and must appoint the princess to become the Queen of Mewni. However, Star only wants to marry Marco.

   Interesting choice, seeing as though the couple had no romantic intentions in the show. How did this relationship develop? The answer comes sooner than later.

   The fanfic is told through many of these flashbacks, and through them, it is cool to see how Star and Marco's relationship develop. It's also pretty, I admit, well told and well narrated. However, as you go through many of these flashbacks, you'll realize they get a bit more inconsistent and that they were trying to be like Christopher Nolan's Memento, as the flashbacks often in descending order.
 
    Throughout the story, the many tales/historical facts are also well described. I especially love the visualization of flashbacks in order to explain the history that the writer makes up, rather than just having the characters babble out what happens through exposition. However, it does work against itself sometimes, as there can often be too many of these flashbacks and backstories, so much so that it begins to feel more like reading a school-curriculum novel than actually reading a fanfiction story.


THE CHARACTERS



   Another issue that I have with Starfall is in its characterization, primarily in our main protagonists. The protagonists are supposed to be the main people we root for in a story. The characters are usually relatable, funny, and can hold their own in a story for several chapters.

   We rooted for Star and Marco because they were strong characters who had their definite flaws. They were relatable. Star is a strong fighter in combat and loyal to her friends, but tends to be impulsive and reckless, traits which often gets her into trouble. Marco has self-esteem issues and insecurities although he is considered a 'good and responsible kid'. We wanted to see them do well because they were just like us. I mean, Daron Nefcy has said she created those two characters based on herself (Star) and her husband (Marco).

   This is what the fanfic nails down, Marco is like Marco, while Star is like Star. I definitely love how they're personified...

....that is, until they reunite in Mewni...

   As a fanfic writer myself, I get annoyed when other writers dispose of all personality from the character once the couple gets together. Die for our Ship doesn't just happen to individual characters, it also happens to their personalities as well. The main shipping characters begin to become more like something out of a Shakespeare play and fade away from their respective characters, anything they had before they weren't an item...

   I do admit they were personified really well in the flashbacks, and Mike understood this when writing his fanfic. As older adults, however, Star and Marco lose all of their character. The emotions are replaced by those of Romeo and Juliet's. The flaws are gone, as they can do no wrong from that point on. The characteristics of each one is also gone as well.

   What about the other characters? They're alright... to an extent. I definitely loved how Dipper and Mabel are true to the canon in this version of the story, and Grunkle Stan is just like his old self... But because their characters are only in a few chapters, they stay static. Their personalities didn't change once we got to the epilogues.

   King Butterfly and Glossaryck are mostly just shippers in the sky type of characters. Nothing to see here... King Butterfly is often his derpy old self, which I love how he's personified. Glossaryck is a bit too exposition-y in this story, as mentioned before.

   The characters in the flashback are static and often generic, but that's understandable. They are just static characters. They don't need much explaining. Instead of cameos though, they're mostly OCs. That's another problem. There's really an overabundance of original characters in this story. I think for this story however, it can be an exception, since making the characters older probably strays away from old characters and introduce new characters when it gets there.

   Most of the OCs are pretty forgettable though. Especially the ones we were supposed to care about, like Daisy. Hey, can any of you guys who read all of this story tell me who Max of Lur was in the story?

CRASH COURSE (THINGS I MISSED):



  • Marco being mistaken as psychotic by his own parents and friends was a bit cruel-hearted for my taste. Yet again, it was probably the most innovative part of the fanfic as well, and they didn't go overboard with it so much to say that we'd be comparing the fic to a Spongebob torture porn episode.
  • The dialogue flows naturally. That is, if it isn't plastered with some sappy romantic line seen in any generic romantic movie/book/show seen by man:
    • "I don't want to be alone anymore."
    • "Please dance with me Max. I want to dance with you forever."
    • "As I love you, Nova, my light."
    • "You are important and special... and Marco is mine forever.
  • Alright, granted, the dialogue is actually pretty good in general, and many of the analogies make the fanfic much smarter than any average fanfic. I love the symbolism found in astronomy facts and constellations. It's like this fanfic had a hint of Inception trying to break out from all the mushy dialogue.
  • The sex scene in Starfall. Oh boy, we're going there. Honestly, this is one of many things the fanfic does right. Star and Marco don't rush the sex, and it isn't sloppy either (weird thing to say). All I'm gonna say is, at least it isn't Fifty Shades of Grey.
THE VERDICT:




   After bashing this fanfiction and overanalyzing it, what do I really think about it?

   Granted, I believe that I sounded a bit too critical about the fanfic, and I often exaggerated a few of the criticisms I had, although most of the criticisms are true to my own heart. As a fanfic, it's really good. Does it have its flaws? Of course. No fanfic is perfect, and this is just some 17 year old male's opinion about a fanfiction of a show he watches.

   Starfall is just a simple Point A to Point B fanfic with several twists and turns here and there, and that's okay. The flashbacks, the scenes and the overall journey it goes through to get to the climax and resolution are great. I can't wait to see what GolfAlphaMike comes up with in the future.

INFERNAPE'S RATING: 8.5/10


Sunday, 3 April 2016

Canadian Infernape vs. The Forces of AO3

As the title suggests, all my present and future fanfictions will move over to Archive of Our Own. Don't worry, all my old work will still be updated frequently on Fanfiction.net. They will be both updated equally, and The Fall of the Butterfly will be the first story that I've converted over to that site.

Hope to see you guys there.


Tuesday, 29 March 2016

The Fall of the Butterfly (CHAPTER 2 RESPONSES)

Alright, I did not expect Chapter 2 to be out that early. Yet I never expected that many reviews that early through the episode. O_O

As I try to write Chapter 3, I'm taking some time to respond to some questions.



Aw.... I'm flattered.
Hugz! :3




Thanks! Well played to you too. XD
Chapter 3 will be out hopefully by Saturday or earlier if I'm lucky. If I haven't gotten it out by then it's either I'm really busy or I've failed as a task manager.






Really? Nothing similar, not like what the last two reviewers said?
Well, at least I know someone thinks I'm doing my job properly from the start. Thanks for the review!




My favourite episode of Star vs. the Forces of Evil, aside from the half-hour long specials, Mewberty, and Star Comes to Earth, is definitely Mewnipendance Day. I believe it's possibly the most underrated episode of the entire show.

I could make an entire review about it, but most of my points would be very similar to the YouTube review TheMysteriousMrEnter. He did a Admirable Animation review on that particular episode a while back, highlighting why it was one of the best episodes in the show:


And although I disagree with a few things Mr. Enter says, I do agree with what he said about the show in general.

That's particularly why I wrote Ludo the way he did in The Fall. Most of the lore and backstories included about Ludo were based on that episode, which doesn't personify him as an absolute villain but also shows the monsters were kicked out gruesomely, kinda making the Mewmans, the people we are supposed to be rooting for, the bloodthirsty villains. 

I love it when shows actually twist things and show shreds of humanity in them, and this episode sums up why I love the show as much as I do. 

I've babbled on for too long. Thanks for the review, anyways.



Monday, 28 March 2016

The Fall of the Butterfly (CHAPTER 1 RESPONSES)

Alright, time for me to answer some questions... Obviously I sent PM replies to people who actually had accounts on Fanfiction.net, you will find my answers here.

On with the show! 




Thanks guys! Hope you keep reading.




***

"I've seen something like this before..."


Yes, I bet you have.


"Moon dying..."


Starfall by GolfAlphaMike.


"Star leaving to be queen..."

Starfall.


"Marco getting a date with JLT even though he misses Star..."

STARFAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL. Yes, I'm aware some elements from this fic weren't coincidental. Someone was gonna pick up on it eventually. T'is okay tho, I talked to GolfAlphaMike and told him that his story definitely inspired this one (though I have criticized the story in the past). Yes. I think it was intentional for sure.

I kinda see me and GolfAlphaMike on the same road, driving our cars side by side. Then there's a fork in the road. He will drive one way while I drive the other. The story will become less similar to Starfall once it goes on however. I have cited that Starfall was a bit too dramatic however. It had Marco and Star bawling their eyes out years after not seeing each other for eight years. Bit too Shakespearean for my taste. I am going a completely opposite direction that makes it more believable for me, however.


"Excellent work! The dialouge is sweet and very human, the flow is met perfectly with the narrative and I already love the plot. Not to mention how in character you've written the people, I feel like I'm reading the script for an actual episode. Keep up the Fantastic work Broseph!"


Thanks. Hope you keep reading.



***

Yes, I am guilty of lining up the plot like Starfall by GolfAlphaMike (it inspired me xd). It will go a different direction.

About the job aspect... Without spoiling too much, let's say I follow the rule Chekhov's Gun, which says, if someone mentions a gun in the room during a chapter, the gun MUST be fired within the next chapter or two. The gun cannot be left alone. It must be crucial to the plot.

Now, related to Chekhov's gun, why did I leave that huge chunk about the company Marco works for? Any realizations yet? X3

Thanks for the review, and hope you keep reading :3





Thanks for the review, but I don't think I can really can rewrite something I already said about Starfall. You may want to my reply to SonicELITE regarding Starfall above, because it ties in with the whole 'it copies Starfall' thing.

But yes, I did read Starfall before creating my fic.






Thanks. I kinda want to keep the characters to their personalities in any fic I do cause I love the characters the way they are!


xxx

That's all I got for today, thanks for the reviews, Canadian Infernape is outta here.




*** = sent a PM to the user in-site